I was Finally Abducted by Aliens: Here’s what happened. (NSFW)

I was finally abducted by aliens after many years of trying to get in contact with them, here’s my story:

It all started with a lie about a broken door in my apartment complex.

My neighbor busted the door to the common area, where the mailboxes are because he forgot his key.

He then lied and blamed it on one of his friends to avoid accountability and share the cost among the current tenants.

I was already suspicious of being under surveillance, so I went into my bathroom to check for cameras.

I ripped the ceiling fan apart looking for bugs, when I heard something skittering through the walls.

When I couldn’t find anything, I knew my neighbor Ricky and his friend colluded to blame the broken door on me.

I knew he was connected with the aliens and I was suspicious of him because his story kept changing.

I had just started a job as a maintenance worker at a nursing home. When I got home, I swear I heard something pulling wires through the walls.

Then I started hearing telepathic communications telling me to dump my monoatomic gold down the toilet.

Which I did.

Then my parents showed up. They told me not to flush the gold because it was expensive.

Then I became paranoid of my neighbor colluding with the aliens to pin the crime of the broken door on me.

It felt like the aliens were able to read my mind by pointing a sensor at my voice box.

I believe there were several of these sensors hidden around my house, but I could not find them.

I didn’t know if they were Asura or Annunaki, but I knew I was being watched so I started to play along.

I heard them say, “If you can hear us, do the hang-loose sign.”

So, I did.

Next, I heard them say, “Holy shit, he can actually hear us.”

At that point I heard them accuse me of being telepathic.

I was instantly recruited into the Alien’s bootcamp.

I started walking, doing push-ups, and eating healthy. I woke up when they wanted, ate when they wanted, and exercised when they wanted.

I was finally abducted by aliens for a week

I didn’t even realize that I had been sucked into a blackhole through my computer monitor.

The world that I was sent to was definitely alien.

It looked like a scene from Star Wars or Star Trek, but instead of sitting on my couch or in a movie theatre, I was sloshing through a swamp full of ancient alien creatures.

Eventually I realized that I wasn’t dreaming when I got hungry.

I saw a sign for a local dive-bar about 6.9 parsecs away, so I headed in that direction to get something to eat and drink.

The aliens here were pretty good-looking. I thought to myself, “I wonder if these aliens have ever had BWC.”

So, I got really drunk off something they called, ‘Jungle Juice,’ and started flirting with the locals.

I met an elf fairy (I think) named Ashley Fates who was interested in talking to me. According to her, “I was the only alien here.”

We hit it off quickly and I was teleported to her home planet, where she immediately got naked and showed me her bare-naked ass.

She was hot. Really hot. So hot I creamed my jeans just by her leaning into me and brushing up against my chest.

Needless to say, I was quite happy with where I was.

I was tweaking pretty hard in my apartment earlier that day, but this experience was worth all the trauma.

I Finally Met my Soulmate

I don’t remember having sex with her. However, she spoke in some weird code, repeating phrases from popular poems from her home-world, and I remember waking up in my bed the next day with rug burn on my knees, and soreness in my hips like I had the best sex of my life.

Needless-to-say, getting abducted by aliens was pretty fun.

I had been trying to get in contact with them for the past 10 years, and I was smitten with the experience after I was finally abducted.

She also gave me a special phone that allows me to transfer my consciousness and body to her world.

Written by: Captain Kirk