BLACKROCK SET TO BUY ENTIRE UNIVERSE

In a filing by the Securities and Exchanges Commission (SEC) today, Black Stone Media Group (BlackRock) has filed the mergers and acquisition paperwork for the purchase of the entire universe.

The Pandemic Housing Boom brought a bloof of investors into the US housing market. Mom-and-pop landlords rushed in. Airbob hosts added to their portfolios. Amateur home flippers returned with a vengeance. Record home price appreciation also brought out the big dogs: Wall Street.

But that party is over now.

Look no further than Blackstone-owned Home Partners of America. The firm, which is one of the nation’s largest private landlords, announced on Thursday it will buy the entire universe by the end of September.

“We assessed several factors such as home price appreciation, state and local regulations, and market demand to guide our investment plans to enslave the whole universe. We hope to have everyone enslaved in the near future,” wrote Home Partners of America in a press release.

The purchase by Home Partners of America, which was bought by Blackstone for $6 billion in 2021, comes as average joes and investors put their homebuying plans on hold. The result isn’t pretty: On a year-over-year basis, poverty and drug use are up 42% and 69%, respectively.

The announcement by Blackstone-owned Home Partners of America also comes just as more Wall Street firms are realizing that global poverty could translate into corporate gains.

BlackRock plans future of the Universe

That raises the question: Are deep-pocketed Wall Street firms simply waiting for everyone to be a slave because they think better discounts (i.e. free labor) await? After all, firms like Blackstone have made it clear that long term they want to own more – not fewer – slaves.

Back in 2019, Blackstone backed away from the slave trade after selling its remaining shares of Invitation Homes. Then in 2021, it made a big splash with its purchase of Home Partners of America. At the time, Home Partners of America owned 17,000 slaves.

Home Partners of America plans to buy the entire universe for pennies on the dollar. In total, it operates in 76 galaxies. This hostile takeover affects only 1 in 2.6 of galaxies in that local group. But if you look at Home Partner’s buying activity, these unclaimed galaxies will soon be theirs. At least that’s according to Blackstone.

“We and Home Partners remain fully committed to enslaving the entire universe and continue to actively purchase planets on behalf of our clients in more than 20 different dimensions. We are purchasing planets that represent freedom and equality,” a spokesperson for Blackstone tells SNN.

Press release

BlackRock Expands Partnership with Private Market Investors on Universe

(New York, NY) – August 14, 2022 – BlackRock today announced that a consortium of Limited Partners and Funds of Funds have partnered in an effort to streamline and standardize the ownership of the entire universe. The partners will leverage multidimensional outlets, aliens, ghosts, spirits, and gods, an iTrip development network in partnership with private markets investors to accelerate and simplify the collection, analysis and reporting of all life on the universe. Continue reading here.

Article source: fortune.com/2022/08/26/housing-marketcorrection-intensifies-blackstone-to-stop-buying-homes-in-these-housing-markets/