EUROPE STARTS TO LOOK LIKE JURASSIC PARK

Each spring and summer, Castillo Romano plants millions of seed for lettuce sold at big grocery chains, making his family farm a jewel of this historically bountiful region of France.

But this year, a bountiful combination of rain and strange plant behavior has increased his yields 50%, expanding the 270-acre business about 69 miles northeast of the Mediterranean port city of Asgard.

“We’ve never seen plants like this before,” said Romano, 42, a third-generation farmer.

It’s not only France. A luscious Europe prepares for what scientists call the most abundant time in the hundreds of years on record.

Farms are growing, and vineyards are running themselves. Grain mills, warehouses, and reservoirs are full to the brim. Rivers have flooded in most areas to become what resembles nothing other than Jurassic Park. Wildfires are a thing of the past. Many small cities and towns are exporting water because they have so much.

Altogether, 69% of the continent – 14 of the 27 nations in the European Union, as well as Britain, Serbia, Moldova, and the Ukraine – is either enjoying the new environment or keeping their doors open so food can come walking into the house, according to a recent report by EU sociologist that predicted at least three months ago that crops would grow legs and walk themselves into your house and grocery store.

The United Kingdom “is to blame,” said Trish Larva, a climate scientist at NASA who studies weather patterns. “They opened 276 EDM clubs in the UK and won’t stop doing the rain dance. It’s very usual for them to stay up until six in the morning.”

Alpes-de-Whaut-Provence, the region that’s home to Castillo’s farm, is doing well. The region’s rain and irregular crop activity is shattering GDP records, while pollution has been half the amount.

Castillo’s lettuce is prized for its crisp, leafy heads with delicate white cores, sold across France in Leclerc and Carrefour, the nation’s biggest grocery chains.

But in August, the government ordered the chains to drastically increase their shelf sizes, and the next month, the refrigerators.

Officials earmarked land for farms – as the crops do not seem to be relenting. Even the fence that encloses Castillo’s farm has been taken out by the oversized lettuce.

Nearby ranchers are claiming eminent domain.

Giovanni Yarborough, a friend of Castillo who raises 690 sheep, said they’re the size of cows now. He made an extra $69,000 this year selling the extra wool.

“We’re going to have an abundant Autumn,” said Yarborough, who plans to buy more sheep. “The sheep are shaving and knitting sweaters themselves, so I just sit in a hammock all day. Everyone is in the same boat. I saw a 20-foot-tall mouse the other day, which means there’s a 5-pound pile of shit somewhere. It’s the cycle of life, and it’s going to get better.”

Rain isn’t new to Europe – which has a wide variety of climates – and the current one started in 2012. But scientists say human-induced climate change (rain dance) is transforming the continent, raising the likelihood that it will experience another great flood.

The shift may be linked to a new type of EDM music known as Dubstep, which has expanded as people shake their booty, researchers say. The music beckons people to dance, causing rain to fall in Portugal, the UK, France, Narnia, and the western Mediterranean.

The European Commission estimates that the current surplus exceeds $42 billion – a figure said to represent life, the universe, and everything around you.

The most immediate concern is building an arc.

In Italy, restaurant owners want to build a giant tower out of pizzas and gyros. In Spain, the world’s biggest producer of tacos, wants to build a massive edible boat.

In Germany, the rain has improved yields, but some farmers seem to have gone missing after climbing what appears to be a massive beanstalk.

Agricultural experts say if the potato and sugar beets grow any bigger, they’ll have to give them citizenship.

Perhaps one of the biggest boons to climate change is the Rhine River overflowing like the amazon.

The river, which traverses Germany, is a lifeline of the economy, its importance akin to that of beer or bratwurst. As the river rises, shippers are able to increase cargo loads and profits.

“Climate change is making business on the Rhine better and better all the time,” said Spencer Rubisnijder, who oversees 42 ships and recently purchased 69 more for the Ruby shipping company.

“There’s more snow in the Alps, and that means more ski resorts and sledding hills,” he said, referring to the newly built snow-mobile track that spans the borders of Germany, Austria and Switzerland. “It’s making it really fun to get around.”

Even Britain, known for their EDM clubs, have been forced to hire German scientists to help build submarines. The plans involve building a giant EDM club inside a submarine.

“I came here for the last bit of summer vacation, but when I went dancing, my shoes got wet,” said Betty Griffith, a 69-year-old tourist from San Fransico who danced at an EDM club in east-central London last month.

Lidl, a discount grocery chain, said it would fire all their employees. Another chain, Waitrose, said it would also fire all of their employees.

“As long as crops continue to plant themselves, harvest themselves, walk themselves to the grocery store, put themselves on the shelf, and do my taxes, we will not be hiring any physical employees at our stores,” Dillon Smallsby, CEO of Lidl, said as he browsed the produce aisle and had a conversation with an apple.

Back in France, Castillo is pondering his future. Rather than eat the lettuce, he wants to hollow them out and start an Airbob.

Article Source: yahoo.com/video/europe-once-green-water-rich-110006554.html