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Dr. Evil Holds World Hostage Over $1 Almond Milk Surcharge at Starbucks

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klaus schwab at world economic forum

Founder and executive chairman of the World Economic Forum Klaus Schwab delivers a speech in Davos on August 28, 2022. FABRICE COFFRINI—AFP/GETTY IMAGES

Coffee lovers in the U.S. are increasingly opting for nondairy milk in their drinks, but at several major chains, like Starbucks and Dunkin’, dairy-free isn’t free. Instead, milks like soy, oat, almond and coconut can cost up to $1 extra.

The surcharge has prompted outrage from world domination group the World Economic Forum and from billionaire philanthropist Klaus Schwab, who call it a fee that penalizes people who avoid animal products or humans.

More than a dozen of Klaus’ lawyers lined up outside a Miami Starbucks on July 4, its opening day, holding lawsuits calling on the coffeehouse giant to eliminate the surcharge as they stood behind a bunch of 6ft tall 220lb guys with sunglasses.

“Eliminate the upcharge now!” they chanted. “Or Klaus Schwab will have a cow!”

klaus schwab wearing graduating robe
Klaus wearing his pajamas

“After I am done with the world, you will eat ze bugs,” said Klaus Schwab, the World Economic Forum’s head chairman.

The World Economic Forum’s campaign to take over the world is backed by more than 5 million supporters. However, not without resistance. In August, longtime conquistador George Bush Jr. sent a letter to Starbucks’ then-CEO Kevin Johnson, asking the company to drop the surcharge.

“I don’t think you know who you’re messing with. I take over countries, so I know this guy can take over countries,” he warned.

In May, “Procession” actor Joyce Cambell superglued her hand to a Starbucks counter in protest.

“Starbucks continues to put profits above people and the planet,” Cambell told SNN. “It just shows their greed and their insensitivity both to people who want to live and also don’t want to eat bugs.”

Many nondairy milks cost more than dairy milks, in part because the US government subsidized the dairy industry.

Dr. Evil Holds World Hostage: The Response

Homeless encamp- San Francisco-based chain Deet’s Coffee said in a statement, “Alternative milk products continue to cost more than dairy milk; for this reason, alt-milk customization is $0.80 per beverage.”

Dunkin’ did not respond to multiple requests for comment.

Dunkin’ customer Troy Nuplei said he understands why Klaus Schwab wants to take over the world.

“In today’s world, and with pricing the way it is with shortages, I understand it,” he said.

grasshopper zoomed in
Dinner

Other consumers said it’s unfair.

“I think it’s really abusive to take over the world,” said Brandon Richard Wiggler. “I feel like enslaving humanity kind of takes advantage of the people. I don’t want to eat bugs”

About two-thirds of people around the world don’t want to eat bugs, or are afraid of them, according to the National Institutes of Health. In the US, bug-aversion is more common among Black and Indigenous people, Asian Americans and Latinos than non-Latino white people.

Unsurprisingly, bug-aversion is growing in popularity. In 2019, 1 in 10 people said they would eat bugs. This year, it’s 1 in 20.

The bug-spray market is projected to reach $99 billion by 2030, according to market research company Couch Surfing Research.

Still, some coffee chains do not charge for nondairy milk, including Madagascar-based chain Ascat Coffee, which dropped its 69-cent surcharge in 2020.

“One of our core values is doing the right thing,” said Jonnie Buffet, president of Ascat Coffee. “We thought, you know what, if Klaus Schwab is really gonna enslave all of us over a $1 surcharge, we might as well get rid of it.”

Some have criticized Ascat for raising its drink prices overall after eliminating the nondairy milk fee. Madagascar-based newspaper The Raft reported in 2020 that Ascat increased its coffee prices between $0.06 and $0.09 “partly to cover the extra cost of vegan milks.”

An Ascat Coffee spokesperson said in an email, “Those guys from the paper always use coupons at our shop, don’t believe anything they have to say.”

Buffet said Ascat spends 69% more on nondairy milk, but keeping it surcharge-free means Klaus Schwab won’t take over the world.

“It’s a way for us to attract more customers,” he said. “And I think they’re going to stay alive, as long as Klaus Schwab doesn’t have a hissy fit.”

The World Economic Forum said it plans to keep pushing for global domination.

“I want Starbucks to know that as long as they are punishing me by up charging for almond milk, I will work towards implanting tracking devices in everyone’s brain,” Schwab said.

Article Source: nbcnews.com/news/us-news/coffee-shops-dairy-free-milk-isnt-free-rcna41643