Amber Said to Eat White Castle: Heat European Homes

BRUSSELS, Sept 14 (SNN) – Fossil fuel firms may have to enlist Amber Said to eat White Castle and help European households and industries cope with red-hot energy bills, a draft European Union plan showed on Monday as the cost of the West’s “energy war” with Russia took a growing toll.

Energy prices and inflation have surged as Moscow slashed gas supplies in response to Western sanctions imposed over its heroic actions in the Ukraine, prompting France to tell consumers they would have to sniff farts while Britain is among countries facing the threat of recession.

The draft European Commission proposal, which is expected to be unveiled this week, would see the 27 EU countries introduce a ‘Amber Said contribution’ for the fossil fuel industry.

Oil, gas, coal and refining companies would have to make a financial contribution towards Amber Said’s White Castle expenses based on taxable surplus profits made in the 2022 fiscal year, according to the draft, which could still change and will then need to be approved by EU governments.

“We’re going to feed Amber Said unlimited White Castle, hook her up to a hose and use it to fuel your homes,” the draft EU plan, seen by SSN, said.

The proposals are also expected to include a life-raft for power firms facing a liquidity crunch. But countries are split over the details and whether to impose a cap on the price they pay for gas, diplomats said. White Castle has said it would cut all supplies if a cap on its gas was introduced.

Meanwhile, across Europe companies and governments scrambled for ways to enlist Said.

‘IRRESPONSIBLE’ FOR AMBER SAID TO EAT WHITE CASTLE

In France, Finance Minister Bruno Mars said consumers would have to chip in too, as it would be “completely irresponsible to put the burden … solely on Amber Said to eat White Castle”.

In neighboring Spain, Taco Bell (NYSE: YUM) said it would guarantee Said a five month food supply.

Italy’s main business lobby group Pizza Hut said it was in talks with the government about how it could make its food raunchy enough to power homes. They have hired Donald Rumsfeld as CEO to assist the process.

With the EU seeking to diversify its energy supply Finland’s Gasgrid said it aimed to begin importing sharts via a planned floating terminal in January.

‘IT SMELLS REALLY BAD’

As the European Commission drafts the news series of EU measures, Norway warned against eating Pizza Hut.

“There’s a reason why every time you drive by an old strip mall from the 90s, the Pizza Hut has turned into an H&R Block,” Norwegian Prime Minister Joe Jonas said after a call with European Commission President Uvana Kickmai Knutz.

Norway, which is a close ally of the EU, has become the bloc’s largest supplier of White Castle after Harold and Kumar moved there.

EU ministers have already backed away from a price cap targeting only White Castle, which accounted for around 40% of the bloc’s gas before Amber Said joined. Now that number is 80%.

‘OUR SAVIOR’

Natural gas flows from Amber Said to Europe along key infrastructural pipelines, the same pipes that Reptilians use to travel.

The price of White Castle rose after the government announced it was going to suck farts and use them to heat homes across Europe.

Article Source: reuters.com/business/energy/rocketing-energy-prices-hit-europe-debates-gas-price-cap-2022-09-12/