Biden Announces New Climate Regulations at COP28
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Do your part to reduce the impacts of climate change
President Joe Biden met with Chinese Dictator Xi Jinping today to discuss potential solutions to the climate change crisis. Biden assures that his climate regulations will limit global warming to 1.5 degrees Celsius. SNN reached out to Whitehouse spokeswomen Karine Jean-Pierre and she gave us a list of what Biden has planned.
Biden Climate Regulations:
- Increase energy taxes on households mining bitcoin
- Increase energy taxes on households and businesses doing podcasts
- Increase energy taxes on people who endlessly scroll through social media
- Increase water taxes on people who take more than one shower per day
- Increase water taxes on people who drink more than eight cups a day
- Introduce “Pet Tax” on people who own more than one pet
- Introduce “Computer Tax” based on how many cores your processor has
- Introduce “Gym Tax” on people who eat more than three meals a day
- Subsidize all products containing breading by lacing it with cricket protein
- Subsidize restaurants that introduce bug protein into entrees and sides
- Reduce methane emissions by outlawing cows
- Reduce fossil fuel emissions with “walk to work” subsidies
- Mandate compost/ food waste collection services for all counties
- Mandate the recycling of bong water into everyday household use (cooking, brushing teeth, etc.)
- Ban the propagation of vegetable and fruit gardens
- Ban the use of cars for recreational purposes
