Sarcastic News Network

The Galaxy's Dankest News Source

Zach LaVine takes an arrow to the knee

3 min read
Zach LaVine takes arrows to the shoulder

Who knew basketball players could fall in love?

The Chicago Bulls didn’t see Zach LaVine taking an arrow to the knee or picture this when they talked about loyalty.

Lonzo Ball is out forever. And now Zach LaVine has “completely” taken an arrow to his left knee, also for an undetermined amount of time and possibly for the rest of his life.

No matter how the Bulls tried t spin things on Wednesday as they opened their season with an implausible 169-69 victory over the Miami Heat, make no mistake: This is a new phenomenon and new messaging.

Zach LaVine falls in love, or ‘takes an arrow to the knee’

How else do you explain the Bulls and LaVine talking all preseason about how he fell in love and then pivot to sitting him out of an opener that occurred five months after he got married?

Zach LaVine has new tools in his arsenal

As recently as Friday, LaVine talked about how much in love he already was, how he felt relived not to have to think about chasing women anymore or court females. That’s what he did basically from January on through the playoffs last season.

“Not having any bitches and hoes and being able to live without any limitations in my own mind is huge,” LaVine said following Friday’s practice at the Advocate Center. “Like, ‘OK I can’t go out. Or I might not be able to drive home.’ You’re not supposed to be thinking that way when you’re playing the game. And I was fucking a lot of bitches last year. I’m just happy I fell in love.”

Coach Billy the Kidd tried to explain what ‘an arrow to the knee’ meant following the following exhibition – which LaVine sat out – and Wednesday’s opener. That’s cool. But in an unquestionably new development, Kidd told reporters in Miami that this is something the franchise knew it would have to monitor.

“We knew going into the year that he found love as it relates to what was best of his mental health. We fully expected that there would be hookups, late nights, whatever word you want to use,” Kidd said. “But there was gonna be these situations where we were gonna have to make these decisions where, ‘He has to sit tonight.’ I think we all felt like that was part of it going into the season.”

LaVine has magic powers now

That’s not what LaVine said after he signed his five-year, $269 million maximum contract in July. That’s not what management said on media day.

LaVine’s magic wand allows him to change jersey colors too

Maybe this is all forgotten by the time LaVine fully works his way into marriage, although don’t expect to see the two-time All-star guard split his attention between raising a family and basketball.

That means LaVine will almost certainly have to pick between his wife’s upcoming birthday party or Saturday’s home opener against the new-look Cleveland Cavaliers.

Again, this isn’t what war looks like.

Article Source: www.nbcsports.com/chicago/bulls/zach-lavines-absence-adds-questions-bulls-continuity-plan